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I hardly know English, and I have lost my flair for my mother tongue Bengali as well. May be my quest for being a writer ends here. May be, this is the end of the road.
Or maybe, just maybe, I should not care about language and just write stories, like the first storyteller who didn’t know any language well enough to communicate to his fellow listeners. But he had a bagful (made of skin of the antelope he had slaughtered once?) of stories.
Maybe, just maybe, I should focus on storytelling rather than expressing what’s inside me. Most of the time what happens is that for want of the right word, I am left leaving out most of what I want to describe.
I am thinking, maybe, just maybe, that’s the plan of my muse. She doesn’t want me to write stories that involve lot of inner thoughts. “Just tell a story ghetufool,” is that what she is telling me?
Now that I don’t care getting published, now that what my readers think about my writing style (the lack of it actually) doesn’t matter to me anyway, let’s just entertain myself.
Let me try this. Become a storyteller.  That should be fun! 
Oh! and by the way. There's no Aha! moments. That was my imagination. I am useless, realised for good.


Vincent said…
Hear hear! This sounds like a good kind of transformation you are going through. Perhaps I think that because I'm going through a parallel crisis.

A reader in any case doesn't think about writing style, unless he fancies himself as a critic. A reader is gripped by the narrative---or not. There may be a thousand ways of being gripped. Wondering what will happen next is only one of them. A fresh individual style is another. A sense of recognition is another.

And so on. But entertaining yourself is surely a must, in every good writing. And the writer must first feel what he wants the reader to feel
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Kaun banega karorpati...dwitiya

--Namaste, satsriakaal, aadab, mein amitabh bacchan aapke samne, leke hajir hua hu, phir ek bar, kaun banega karorpati dwitiya.
(audiences in dark start clapping along with a music as if crusader king Richard of England just captured the castle of a jehadi king)
Aaj, mere samne beithe hai Jarshad kakiara…kakku…cuckoo…
(a club-shaped man intervenes, with a child-like smile, “Kakkrakandy”)
Ji haa, kakkara (“kandy”, the man again intervenes with a shy smile)
-Yes, Jarshad kakk…, whatever, aiye aap aur hum khele yeh adbhut game, jiska naam hei …(looks at the club-shaped man)
Jarshad Kakkrakandy, answers “kauun banayega karrorrpatti”

Amitabh shows Jarshad the seat, adjusts the seat for him. Jarshad sits, the chair shrieks.

--aur abhi mere samne baithe hain Jarshad n. k., from Chennai, who is a journalist with reuters, loves reading dilbert, unka favourite movie hai “chandramukhi”. And he is the self-proclaimed ‘king of PJ’.

--Haan to Jarshad saab, aapne likhe hein ke apke naam hei Jarshad n.k. now …