Monday, March 11, 2013

surrender

lot of changes coming my way of late. i am not sure how i should interpret them, and if at all, they need to be interpreted. for sure, i have become very placid, all accepting, stupid may be. at the same time, this is so liberating! to be stupid, to be less caring, to be relaxing, to be at the moment and not thinking too much. i have also decided to let go off people who want to leave me. i won't hold back anyone, no one. i have been trying to hold back people who i considered dear to me, without whom, i thought, my life would be incomplete. it was a real fear, to be alone in the dark, to be navigating this perilous world all by myself.
it turned out to be a futile effort, trying to hold back a person is bit like tightening your grip around a palm-full of sands. tighter your fist is, faster those golden sands slip off. your hands are left dirty after that.  i have learnt my lessons well.
i met those people on my way, in this magical journey of life. their roles performed to the tee, and asking nothing in return, one day they decide to leave. fine, i say, thank you for the music, my dear friend! may god be with you in your journey, may you enjoy your journey too!
i am talking about two very dear friends here.
with one the way things went is so very sudden that i should give more thoughts to it. or may be not, i don't want to. he has his own journey, i have my own. i am not sure where i am heading, but if his role has ended and he wants to part ways, so be it.
humans are bit strange. we all are massive balls of consciousness. but without true efforts, it all comes out garbled in  our subconscious actions. we don't understand why something happens and in some cases we take years to comprehend what actually happened. we look back at the road we walked once upon a time, now all but blocked by the overgrown hedges and realise we won't be going back. we sigh, but deep down, i am sure, we know this is exactly how our consciousness wanted it to unfold. nothing happens without our wish, whether we know that or not. absolutely nothing happens in life that we didn't want to happen. death happens, but that's the end of the game. or may be death also happens when we no longer want to walk, when we are tired, when we want to sleep. we go back to our source, exhausted, to demand some well deserved sleep.
be happy my dear friend! ten glorious years that i knew you, you have been one of those outstanding  characters in my life, the ones who flashes before your eyes when you shut them tight trying to go back deep down in those memory lanes. i have learned many things from you, most worthy of it all is not giving a damn to anything. my way, or the highway! can't say i could follow your attitude, we are differently wired, but then, it was nice to know that this is a way of living too! you will always be special to me.

the other one was my roommate for many many years. he left everything, including a well buffered life, a prestigious post, an amazing career, just because he didn't want to waste his human life in obeying artificiality. society, as he sees it, is an artificial apparatus created by mediocre humans and there's no point being a part of it if you want to really live like a human being and enjoy the promise made to you at your birth. this human life, according to this extraordinary man, is to know yourself, your source, and if you are a man, you gamble. so he bet his all in a single roll of dice. only time will tell if he emerged a winner. but he surely stole the moment and labelled it the costliest ever. he lived. he taught me life, as it should be. he left me too and requested me to free him from my emotion. i left him, without any goodbye. goodbyes have a way of attachment, deep down they want to be repeated.

i am not sure how i would have taken these sudden changes. i am almost a spineless fellow, always leaning on my support system. but this is quite magical, as i am finding my own spine, my support system is withdrawing little by little. and i am not desperate, i am not angry, i am not hurt. i smile, deep in gratitude, i thank them all for enriching this glorious life. the crux of the change that has happened to me is that i no longer see this journey as perilous. life is beautiful! as beautiful as my first love, or may be more!      

i have turned my face against the wind. let the wind caress me, let the existence take care of me. i surrender, for love is a great surrender. 

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