I had a wonderful realization today. I realized, for the first time, that God cannot probably give you anything even if you pray fervently. You get what is destined. And surely even the creator is bound by his own rule of creations. A man’s life is not a blog that you write and delete when you want. No, it’s a defined path where the fruit falls in when it’s ripe and the time correct. It’s all pre-destined. God simply cannot break his own rule and give you what you want. A small change made for you would create a domino effect that would destabilize the entire creation. No, that can’t be allowed. And I have no objection to that.
I realized that God is just like your mother. She loves you. But probably cannot control anything in your life. You know if anything in this world is real and true to you, that’s the love of your mother. I would add the Almighty in it. He is simply a simple Man who watches helplessly what you do and still would smile at you. And I love Him all the more for that.
But then here is my question. I would illustrate an example before that.
Quite some time ago, I proposed a girl. I liked her a lot. She gently refused my offer. End of story. And I would also forget her very soon as I have this wonderful mechanism in my character by which I delete unwanted memories very easily. I close the chamber of emotions. I almost can become robot after that. I start thinking in one direction and don’t let any kind of emotion stir my mind. I become blank and brick-headed. And then after some time when I let my chamber open up, I find the emotion has subsided and turned into dust. You have to just blow it off. Trust me, I have this unique ability. I practiced it from my childhood.
I was a pesky kid. Everyday I used to come home injured with blood oozing out. And trust me when the wound used to pain, I would decide for some time whether I would cry or keep mum. The logic was very simple. Everyday I cannot cry and shame myself, particularly when I was the captain of our football team. That is too embarrassing as a leader.
If I decided to keep mum, no amount of blood would make me shed even a single drop of tear. It was unnatural, against all science, for a kid.
And when I decided to cry, I used to draw the living crap out of every soul in my neighborhood. I would cry till I was tired and fall asleep. Sometimes for hours.
The habit didn’t leave me till date. Add to it I have added one more specialty. I can laugh and make fun and frolic, when I am extremely emotional.
So, forgetting the girl is not a big deal for me. I know, I love her. I haven’t liked anybody for quite some years and decided not to fall in love again after my last harrowing experience. But this girl swept my feet and shook all my inhibitions. But I will forget her soon. I know, I will.
After this incident, this question popped into my mind. Why do we crave for things that are NOT destined for us? Why is this mechanism in nature and in God’s rule-book? What is the need for it? Why we should crave for things that are not ours to get? Why? WHY?
Would anybody care to explain? I didn’t get the answer myself. I would really remain grateful if anybody cares to make me understand this.