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life on a choppy sea

My relationship with Snigdha was a choppy one. We were not happy. We used to insult each other everyday, every moment. But still we didn’t want the relationship to end. Though we were not married our relationship was a sacred bond.

We were bound by some promises. Though foolish and lofty it might sound today, but we were hell-bent to respect the sanctum sanctorum of the promises.

It’s seven years now we met. How wise were we? How mature? We were two arseholes desperate to love and be loved.

And we loved each other, madly...

But then…

It’s quite strange that we agreed to come closer without knowing anything about each other. We were complete strangers.

I wonder what made her come to me? She was beautiful. I was ugly. She said she found in me a person whom she can depend with her life. I don't believe her. I was not the kind of person she was looking for.

I don’t remember what were my demands that time. What criterions a girl should pass before she becomes my girlfriend. But I vaguely remember, she passed none.

It was a fatal mistake (and I am thankful to God for that).

So nobody met the other's criterions. But we ended up in a relationship. Two completely strangers…inhabitants of two poles.

For the first six months we struggled to love each other. And then, when we realized we actually LOVE each other…the relationship become violent. Both of us were not ready to accept the truth.

When I say violent, I mean it. We both were violent. It was a strange relationship. A bloody one. At the alter of love, we bleed ourselves and got sick. Belittling each other in front of others, especially strangers, was our favourite game. But everytime we repent it.

And then one day we were tired of all of this. We were tired…tired…tired. We decided to call it quits. By then we knew we can’t live without each other. But we also knew we can’t live together.

We cried under the banyan tree, hugging each other…for long. We were crying like babies. We knew life is never going to be same again. We tried, but could not agree to carry on the relationship.

We knew we both were sick psychos. Of an extreme nature. Which explains the attraction and the hatred.

We parted…

I left Calcutta…

Given an option, I am still ready to face the chin music from my tormentor. Oh lord…what a time. What a time…what an adventure. She is the only true woman I have ever seen. I can’t help compare others with my lady of substance. All fall flat on face.

I don’t care for security…I don’t care for love…I don’t care for a steady life. Life in choppy sea is what a true man desires. It made me tired, exhausted…but craving for more. Snigdha, you are on my eternal hate list. But you are the only lady I have loved so far…and I will remember you fondly all my life.


Yves said…
Ah, this reminds me of someone! And I wrote up her story too. Time it was rewritten.

Excellent vignette, and you have not analysed the mystery of love, just told it.
kaushik said…
Its seems Ghetu doesnt like Snigdha's husband. Is it so?

Meanwhile who said marraiage is sacred? Read this
Scout said…
"Life in choppy sea is what a true man desires"
I wonder. In any case ultimately men want a demure woman who puts up with all their crap and cleans up after them.
Shuv said…
what rubbish scout!! what could be worse than being involved day in and out with someone u described?
kaushik said…
Scout: I differ and I agree with you. I dont like my wife cleaning up behind me. But do want her to put up with my crap. But if we are expecting women to be demure these days, forget it. Those days are gone.

Now you have to fight every inch for your space. And I dont mind that so long I can keep my sanity intact.

As for Ghetu. He is a little kid who is learning his ways of the world.
Scout said…
ok ok.. maybe there are SOME men who are tolerable ... :) Shuv, I agree with you, it would be terrible to be involved with someone like that. But what about what Gehtu said, what if you are in love with someone terrible? Wouldn't that be terrible?

Kaushik, I agree. Everyone needs their space especially men.
Nautilus said…
Your post reminded me of a similar relationship from another era! It also reminded me of a song - Rabbi Shergill's Tere Bin. It goes like this :
tere bin (besides you)
sanu sohnia(my love)
koi hor nahio labhna (i shan't find another)
jo de've (who'll give)
ruh nu sakun (peace to my soul)
chukke jo nakhra mera (and indulge me)
ve main sare ghumm ke vekhia (i have gone and seen it all)
amrika , roos, malaysia (america, russia, malayasia)
kittey vi koi fark si (there wasn't any difference)
har kise di koi shart si (they all had some condition)
koi mangda mera si sama (some asked for my time)
koi hunda surat te fida (some were fascinated with my face)
koi mangda meri si vafa (some demanded my fidelity)
na koi mangda merian bala (none wanted my demons)
tere bin (besides you)
hor na kise(no one else)
mangni merian bala (wanted my demons)
Ghetufool said…
dear dera dear dear nautilus,
i am so much greatful to you, you gave me the lyrics of my favorite song. add to it, you wrote the meaning of the lyrics. i listen this song without understanding a single word.

Oh...i am so overjoyed!
Ghetufool said…
where you wrote about her, i would like to read that? what is the name of the post please?
Ghetufool said…
kaushik, i had read it long time back...just when i started reading your blog. good one. btw, snigdha didn't marry.

scout, may be you faced men like that. pity you. and what do you mean by some men may be tolerable. men are more tolerable and humane than women.

Scout said…
absession said…
ok dear, you are lucky enough that you and snigdha did not marry...
i have the same story as you and snigdha... worst come to it is that we are married and have a kid too...
i have no escape but to live with it...
all my days are a sad story... lol but i can't do anything just enjoy the way i have to deal with it everyday... everyday we have a new reason to fight... now there don't seems to be a single trace of love between us... but the moment we think of parting away... we know how much we love her..though we talk doing so everyday nut neither she nor me can't do that...
i don't know when and how its going to end.. coz i'm just shattered from matter how tough i may look from outside....
life id just another hell with lots of love ;)

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