A few months from now, three months actually, I will be a married man. I don’t know if marriage changes a life, or a person, but I am open to the idea. I am open to all ideas that challenge my lazy existence. However I try, this massive lethargy set upon me refuses to go. In fact, somehow I romanticise in the notion that I am one of those kinds who become active at a time of chaos. Peace, serenity kills me of boredom. May be I am an intelligent person – this too, is in my latest list of romaticism.
And so, like all intelligent people, I love to think, or think how not to think and idle my time away. I have a vague feeling this luxury will not remain there when I get married. I am told it is a bitter pill to swallow, but you must have the pill someday. Afterall, the joke goes, happiness is not everything in life.
However, it is also kind of liberating. As far as I remember, my youth was spent looking for that special someone, measuring everyone I met on my way to gauge if I can spend my life with her. With a stable partner, a major headache is over. Maybe other headaches will be there but they will most likely be almost physical in nature. All the problems must have a shape, even abstract will do. Thinking about a future life partner is the closest shapeless thing in the garb of a shape. It is an illusion and the most frustrating part of being young.
If I were a litterateur, I would have loved to describe my present state as a ship readying to be anchored. But I have no such fascination or literary inclination of turning aspects of my life into poetry. I am getting married and that's it. I am ready for whatever responsibilities, highs and lows, come with the package. Coming to think of it, marriage is also nothing but having a glorified roommate, maybe that’s why they call the other person a ‘partner’. I am aware that my partner is also sacrificing a lot to adjust with, may be tolerate, me. I respect that and I see it as my duty to be as nice to the person coming to me as it is humanly possible. Surely, I have some assurances from my would be partner that she, just like me, doesn't take life more seriously than it is. But come on, marriage is just another aspect of life isn’t it? Just as I didn’t chose my parents, siblings and friends who are so much to me now, life has brought me a wife. However much human beings may like to think it was his or her idea of a partner, that's never the case. What would have happened if one of us was born in another country or in any other state or even the same state and we never met? Forget it, what would have happened if were born in about twenty years interval -- we would have unlikely considered each other as partners for sure. This idea that we select our partner is absolutely ridiculous. Marriages are made in heaven, or may be in hell. Anywhere but in human heads.
Of course, we can plan how to take the union forward. Much depends upon our action, or may be nothing depends on us and we act as we were originally supposed to be. If a future set of event has a backlink of me acting like a complete asshole, I will act as a complete asshole. If the entire future chain of event commands me to act as the nicest husband and a wonderful father, I will have to do that. Only thing is, we don’t know how we are supposed to act. So the default mode is be nice and wonderful. Custom modifications will come on way and change the default as and when they are due. In this entire unknown the only knowable is the default mode when nobody has any inkling of the future. Some though, know and remember the past.
And so I took permission from all I owed in the past. One after another I approached and offered my service. I wanted to fulfill my promises. It’s a long time enough that they have forgotten what I owed to them. And so they let me be free. I wanted to remind them of my dues, but then I thought they have forgotten it for a reason. There's no point. Instead, I must celebrate my freedom.
Free as a bird, I am now flying off to a new sky, to a new destination that I know not where. The only hope is that that’s where I will gather material to truly call this life as my very own and may be build the foundation for the future. Past connections wiped off clean from the slate, I look at those colourful chalks with wondrous eyes. For now will be drawn my present life and the unfinished sketches have to be completed in my next. I am excited, it’s a great adventure!