I feel like writing but i have nothing to write. right now i am blank and have no wish to fill it with something. i am not sure if i like this blankness but it is kind of comforting, like when you press your temples when you are suffering from a terrible headache. the pain goes for a while, relieving you. it comes back again but that doesn't matter, the momentary relief is what is worth the pain. the blankness pays for all the trouble of getting the headache. you may call it 'masochism'.
(i quickly googled the exact meaning of the word. it came with the following two meanings ... mas·och·ism/ˈmasəˌkizəm/Noun:The tendency to derive pleasure, esp. sexual gratification, from one's own pain or humiliation.(in general use) The enjoyment of what appears to be painful or tiresome.
well, my feeling is definitely not a sexual gratification not deriving pleasure from my pain or humiliation. i would rather go with the second meaning. it suits me well, perfectly fine.