But I should not touch it. The pain should come in waves. It’s like music. It has its own rhythm.
Are you feeling pity for me? Are you? Bless me! Praise the Lord! You are thinking about me right now! How can you not think about me? The object of my love cannot be so inhuman. Though, of course, that indifference in you was what killed me at the first place. I came looking for that fine soft line on your stern face and could not get out.
I know you don’t agree to what the respected men of your locality did to me. I am not a thief. Neither I can think bad of anyone. They left me unconscious. Praise the Lord again, right in front of your window. I guess, that’s the room you live, don’t you? I can vouch though that that’s the room where you practice your singing skills. In my pilgrimage to your lane, your voice was the only contact between our souls. On the waves of your tone, I have sent several messages, “I have come. I have come.” Didn’t you get those? Don’t lie.
What’s the time now?
Oh, your well-wishers have taken my watch. You have thieves among your protectors. Better choose better men next time. But you haven’t chosen them, I am sure.
What? Your window is still closed like everyday? As if nothing has happened? But how can you hide the fact that you are watching me intently through those cracks. I can see that through my third eye. You know love makes your senses sharp? Love is blind they say. Blindness sharpens your other skills. Have you ever seen a blind man meeting with an accident? Your saviours said forget it as an accident. How can it be? A blind man can never meet an accident. Even if he is about to, somebody holds his hand. I know you will come and hold my hand before it’s too late.
It must be past nine. My parents should start worrying for me after ten. For I have never entered home after ten. You see, in social terms, I am a ‘good boy’.
I know my shirt is wet with my blood. But you can feel the heaviness of dews when you stay calm. You can hear their sound. Again, it’s music.
I can hear that distant sawmill making logs of the vast trunks. The wind is carrying its sound, sometimes muffled, sometimes clear. I don’t know which side the wind is blowing.
What are you doing now? Apart from thinking about me? Are you studying? I am sure tonight is a bad night for your studies. You are probably writing my name on your philosophy notebook. I am sorry to disturb you like this. But allow me to, I am enjoying it.
Ha ha. You have to open your window tomorrow morning. You will find me here, at the same place. I will greet you good morning. No, I will not sleep today.
I will not allow anybody to move me from this place unless you come and tell me to go. You will see, if you tell me to go, I won’t take anybody’s help. I can limp and go home. My legs are broken but my heart is all charged up. But you have to come and order. Or plea!
You have one more option. Let the world sleep. You come near the window and let’s talk. Don’t worry, you won’t be disturbing me. Really, I am telling you, I don’t need rest. I am comfortable here. I never got the chance to sleep in the grasses. Looking through the grasses the world looks strange. I didn’t know this world exist. My world was always three-four feet above the ground level. I guess yours too. Hey, I must tell you, it’s fun. Try and sleep on the grasses, turn your face and look horizontally. I mean practice my pose now. You can try other poses but I can’t, probably they have broken my neck too. Thanks heavens for that.
Can you hear that frog croaking? A snake must be swallowing him right now. A small poison-less snake. What is that frog saying? “Help me?” no, probably not. Who will help him? Another frog? Ha ha. May be … he is calling his Gods for the injustice. I am sure he has his mate waiting for him in some burrows. They are not as pretentious as we are.
Just as we should call our Gods before breathing the last, he is probably calling his Frog-God. You must be knowing that if you do so, you will not only book your seat in the heavens but all your sins will be forgiven. But there is a bad side to it. Once you are in the heaven and all your sins forgiven, you will not be allowed to take rebirth, for we take rebirth to pay for our sins committed in the last life. In the process we do some more sins and the overdue spills over to the next life. Imagine, if we don’t take birth again, what a waste it will be. We won’t be able to come to this beautiful earth again. I won’t be able to fall in love with you again!!!
Don’t worry; I have committed enough sins to claim a rebirth. Have you? Hey, don’t you want to come to this lovely earth again? I would suggest you commit a crime tonight. Come to me not heeding your parent’s warning. Come. Kiss me.
Hey, open the window. Let’s debate what’s the frog is saying? I wager that the frog is saying foul words to the snake for not having enough poison and delaying the death. What’s your take?
What did you say? Ha ha ha!!! True, I never thought that. The snake didn’t brush its fangs for a month. Ha ha ha! I must tell, you are hilarious! You ought to be, for I didn’t love you for nothing.
Tell me one thing. You really didn’t love me? How can that be? When I was in college, I read a short story where a little boy, tortured by his step-mom comes and narrate his hardship and sorrow to the river. The river didn’t give much importance as she had her other usual engagements. The boy, being a simple little boy continues to narrate the daily injustice mooted to him for weeks and months and the river became his friend. One day, when the boy was beaten up badly by her step-mom, he comes and cries profusely to the river. The river starts crying too and swells and takes the boy in her refuge.
Of course, there is a sad part to it, if you interpret it in that way, but my whole point was to let you know that if you love even a seemingly lifeless thing as water, the water also loves you. But you are a human!!! And you claim to be not in love with me? I don’t buy that. I know how much I have loved you.
Yes, yes, go ahead. Protest. And this protest should go on for eternity. At the end of the dispute you will acknowledge that you have loved me.
Ok, as you say, skip the topic. But don’t go now. Let’s talk.
Say you get married to a rich and successful man. Say you bear him a child or children. Then what? Will you be happy? Won’t you feel sorry for turning me down? Won’t you feel that in the process of securing a future, you wagered your life? Your love? May be I cannot be as rich as your would be husband. May be I won’t have that social status. But who knows? Won’t you take a chance for the sake of love? Which one would you prefer? A happy life or a prosperous one? Come choose. I am the happiness and the other one is the prosperity. Come choose. Come on …
See … you are not sure. If anyway you are not sure then you should always choose someone who appreciates you. I bet if you chose to ignore the other one, he won’t give a damn. He will move to some other good alliances. But if you don’t choose me, I would be devastated, can’t you see that?
Honestly, I would have done this long time before. But I was afraid of the threats from the so-called well-wishers of your locality. They threatened me that they will beat me dead if I am spotted again doing rounds of your house. But was that very disturbing? I would just peddle on my cycle around your house for an hour and leave. I have never disturbed anyone, I have never called you, I have never looked at any other girl. My cycle was never the cause for a traffic jam. Then why should they threaten to beat me up? Ha ... when I asked them these questions they have no answers but to hit me on my face and break my glass. You know what, that was a costly frame that my uncle brought me from Italy. That was my best gear to impress you. I am sure you have noticed the almost not-their frame and appreciated my taste. But then, those lousy fellows broke my glass and promised me of more action if I enter your locality.
I obliged for about two weeks. So I waited for you at the station. I waited from ten to twelve in the morning to spot you. But then, probably you took the earlier train. Next day I was there from eight, I didn’t see you again. Last week, I was there waiting for you at the station from five in the morning to two in the afternoon. You didn’t come. Were you okay? What happened to you, I was naturally worried!
You tell me what can I do but to come to your place resuming my daily routine of pilgrimage?
Let me first thank you for letting me hear your voice. You were scolding your brother for not studying. I have never witnessed this side of your personality. I must tell you, I was very impressed. But then, just when I was returning, they caught hold of me. Did you see what all weapons of mass destruction they brought with them to beat a frail guy! Ha ha. I couldn’t help laughing to see their mighty weapons!!! They didn’t know I cannot even protest if a child slaps me. Poor guys!
Probably I went unconscious after they hit me on my head from behind. Fools. They have left me right where they rounded me, bang opposite to your window. Ha ha. Who won at last? See now, I am talking to you. Morons.
Yes, coming back to it … trust me, there is nothing to frown about love. Love is neither a disease, nor a chemical reaction. Love is as pure as the word pure can be. There is nothing immoral if two young souls fall in love. The so-called pragmatic elders probably get a sadistic pleasure in preventing two souls from drinking the wine of bliss. But then, we can discuss more about it when you agree to my proposal and be my girlfriend. Till that time I will continue doing what I am doing.
No, I don’t agree with you. You can call it madness but you cannot call it stalking. Stalkers try and talk and even touches! I always maintained a 500 feet distance while coming after you. You can never claim that I ever talked to you. You can never claim that I came within a metre of you, sans when we are coming from the opposite direction and crossing each other. Hey, does the same thing happen to you watching me? I don’t know why my heart pounds just when I see you suddenly. It’s almost as an electric current passing through my heart! My earlobes become hot and red. I flush. My brown cheeks become red!!! Wow!!! What an amazing feeling love is! After I see you, my entire day passes as if I am in a fairyland. The park, the ponds, the dogs … heck, the beggars … all look so dreamy and beautiful!
Hey, I want this to continue all my life! Hey, I want to remain a romantic deep in love with you all my love. Hey girl, I love you too much to live or die.
No, please don’t think that the tears are there because my body is hurting. I am crying because God gifted me this power of love! I love God for that. I am blessed. You are blessed too! I pray to God to bless you with His extra-ordinary gift. Hey, I know you are blessed too.
What did you say? I can’t hear you properly. It’s coming so faint. I don’t know why but the sound of the ocean is increasing now. I can clearly hear the waves. Is there any ocean here? I don’t know. How strange. And I claim I lived here since my birth. But you must be wiser. You must take me to the ocean and set me free. I am tired of this life. I am tired of people who wish well of somebody and can beat somebody badly for somebody’s wellness.
Hell, leave the topic. Anyway, the night is getting darker. But what’s that strange colours in front of me? What are those blue lines dancing? Oh look it’s yellow now. Swear … it’s purple. Hey, I am enjoying it. Is this a special day? I didn’t read it in the papers today that the sky would be painted bright tonight.
You know what? I am shivering! Are you?
Ok tell me, what will you do when you see me five years from now. What if we meet at the same spot here? You married with two kids and I am still the vagabond. Half-mad as they say in love, still thinking about you? You will feel sorry, isn’t it?
But I won’t make you realise that I am sad without you. I will pretend that I have fallen in love with the new chick in the block and doing rounds of her house. No, I can’t see even a trace of sadness in your face.
Well, if good senses prevail and you become mine and we marry, for sure we will erect an obelisk here, at the spot where I am now. Let it be named the obelisk of love. I am not talking sense, am I? Hmmm … those well-wishers of yours really got me this time. But I forgive them. Really, I do. You cannot love someone if you have the slightest hint of hatred towards anyone.
So tell me, would you or would you not? Hey, may I get a glass of water? I can’t talk to you anymore without having some water. My throat is drying up.
Thank you! That was the sweetest water I ever drank! Oh! You look so lovely my love. I have never seen a more beautiful woman in my life. Can I hold your hand?
Ah, it’s like rose petals.
No, don’t blush, don’t blush, I mean it.
Ah, the warmth of your blushes must have transferred to me. For I am feeling warm again. Why do I always feel so, when I touch you, even in my dreams, I get such energy to fight back the world? Why my heart warms up? I love you!
Sorry, I can’t hear you anymore. The ocean waves are getting louder and louder. Have you ever pressed your ears against a conch shell? You get to hear the sounds of the sea. That was my favourite pastime as a kid. I am feeling like I am blessed!
I am sorry my love, I can’t hear you anymore. I can’t see you anymore. I can’t see anything but a myriad of colours. Colours that you can imagine, colours that I have never seen. Ah!!! I can see a bright light flashing at the end of the tunnel.
Sorry, I don’t know where I am walking. It’s not the lane of your house, there’s just a bright white light, and it’s getting tinier. As if a round door or something is closing the way from inside. I must see what’s at the end of it. You wait here, I will come back.
I must run my love, without you for now. I don’t want to miss you. I must leave you here, for I don’t want to risk you there. I don’t know what’s at the end of the tunnel. I will tell you once I get back from there.
You must take me to the sea and set me free.