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Q

i went to dakshineswar yesterday.

the last time i went there five years back, priyanka was with me. i was unemployed, a happy-go-lucky student. she was also a student, but very worried about her future.

i had a nice wallet, she had a nice purse. both were empty.

we were happy. we were in love.

i don't know if priyanka goes to dakshineswar or not. but, i never did. yesterday mom and dad pestered me to come with them to this famous kaali-temple. i was recovering from pox. and was bored to death staying at home for the last 10 days. i decided to come along with them. dad was driving the car. it's long since i didn't go with him anywhere.

i went to dakshineswar there half-heartedly.

and i was a 23-year old again.

dakshineswar is full of priyanka's fragrance! it was like a time capsule. en route, i crossed uttarpara. my first kiss! right there at the embankment!

shit, i shouldn't have come. all these years i avoided this route.

why didn't i come this way all these years? was i afraid of facing the truth? i was. let it not get published on a public forum. besides, it's of no use.

bengal is a strange place. bongs are a strange race. here people smile when they are poor. they frown when they have money.

it's a strange race. genetically engineered to remain poor all their lives.

i bet, they want to remain poor too. for us bongs, art of living is more important than posh living. you can turn even a scoundrel bong into an artist of his liking, i don't know why, but i have always believed so.

dakshineswar is like a time capsule. traditional india is fast fading. it comes to its true self only in its temples and religious places.

but was i missing priyanka? does she miss me? no, should not be. she has a boyfriend. a nice chap. i am happy for her.

but i really didn't go after any girl after her. i flirt with everyone. loved ... ummm ... may be, none.

she was a weird girl. weird girls always attract me. i found another priyanka in bangalore.
they say when you love someone truely, the other party also has to reciprocate. this girl didn't.
did i love her? must be no. it's very hard to cheat a woman in matters of love. they can see through. i must not have been serious.

besides, priyanka, when we parted, said, "no girl, in her sane mind, can ever love you."
priyanka learnt that after courting me for two years. this girl knew it from the very first go. it's hard to escape a girl's eyes. hmmm ...

we stood on a queue to see the idol. it was a long, serpentile Q.

but there's a shortcut way to see the idol and a sureshot fastrack way to interact with the supreme lady (for vincent: bengal is different than rest of india. others worship mostly Gods, we worship goddesses). i won't write the shortcut here, there's a serious breach. that would be sacrilege. but why i mentioned it here is because P showed it to me first.

and when in that secret corridor, i was interacting with Her, i found someone puling my elbow, just in that old fashioned way. P?

nope, illusion.

my parents and aunt was there in that line. i went back to join them. i always like the ambience of dakshineswar and this is the only Q which i actually enjoy standing.

"what happened? your eyes moist?" asked mom.
"must be the fever. i still didn't recover."
"yaa, you are looking sick."
"yes, i am."

i cried after ... after ... after ... i don't know. i genuinely cried ... may be after 20 years?

Comments

Xorkes said…
hmmm that was a senti post!
preetim said…
happens during a long bout of illness. works up the tear glands, and what better way to bring it all out but a post!!!
hope you feeling better now. hugs and loads of affectionate pats your way.
Vincent said…
Ah, this was worth waiting for. Full of yearning and regret and nostalgia, teasing the reader. More!

When I was a student I had my own private goddess. I cannot remember how it came about. I was reading fragments of poems by Sappho, so she must have been a Greek goddess. She comforted me and gave me instructions, in compensation for the lack of a more earthly female presence in my life.
gypsy said…
ah!good to see the pox didnt get ur blog!
waves of nostalgia ghetu! but i know what you mean...i still dont dare return to certain places, for the fear of not feeling what i felt when i last went there! :-)
hope ur feeling better!
Shuv said…
welcome back..still cooped up at home?
barb michelen said…
Hello I just entered before I have to leave to the airport, it's been very nice to meet you, if you want here is the site I told you about where I type some stuff and make good money (I work from home): here it is
saikat said…
nice to read the post. only managed to sneak into few lines of other posts. all are really SAS(short and simple!!). i can relate a lot with the posts and thats why writing this comment. which publishing company are u in(just 4 curicity)??
Ghetufool said…
vincent,
thanks. but i cannot imagine a private Goddess for myself. low on creativity.
Ghetufool said…
barb,

go put your arse on a barbwire!
Ghetufool said…
saikat,
that's a secret. like my real name. thanks for coming. i also liked your blog.
Ghetufool said…
rest,

am back to mumbai.

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