Friday, January 26, 2007

Resolution

I don’t know why, but of late, a strange kind of calmness has descended on my mind. I have started to look at the world from a different perspective. To my astonishment, today I spent at least ten minutes in front of the mirror appreciating my rather ugly face. Was hunting for the finer lines of beauty! Was posing like a cartoon a character and was wondering about the changes in me.

Thanks to my not so handsome disposition, I encounter the mirror only when I am forced to do it. For example, while shaving. I last paid so much attention to myself when I was in class twelve and was head-over-heels for a classmate. I knew I don’t stand a chance to her, especially when hunks like Pradipta and Arunabha are putting on efforts, but…I enjoyed fancying myself a knight in shining armour. Now that both Pradipta and Arunabha are hundreds of miles away from me, I must admit…I tried some cheap tricks to minimise their chance. At the end none of us was winner. My classmate flew with a pilot to U.S.!

Looking back, now I realise I never wanted that girl! I was happy for the attention I am showering myself to. I didn’t have greasy hair like today that time. I used to shampoo everyday. There was always a comb with me in my back pocket. My hair-mania reached to such a stage that whenever my brother, then eight, used to throw his handmade confetti, it used to get stuck on my hair and refused to go without force.

I used to put properly washed clothes everyday and apply scents and deodorants. How many times I shouted at my mother for a fine unnoticeable stain in my white shirt! I was indulging myself in luxury. And I was regularly going to the local akhara, a poor man’s gym.

That was the first time I started shaving. That was the first time I started to put cream (stolen from my sister’s trove) on my face. That was the first time I started to treat my body as a temple. That was the first time I started worshipping the temple with smoke.

After so many years, all the habits have shred except the habit of smoking. If the situation was like to light an incense stick, it’s now chimney. When it burns a lot. I drink to subdue the burns, a new addition.

Strangely, after so many years that urge to love myself is returning again. I realised I have not loved myself enough. It was a sin to neglect your life like this. Don’t know if it is too late for a new year resolution, but it’s still January. I have taken a sacred oath to love myself a little more, to indulge in luxury and opulence and not to live like a skimpy monk anymore. I will cut down on smoking, drinking, keeping awake late at night for no good reason. I should not lie anymore. I will stay away from my favourite game of pretending like a fool and throw situations to unassuming people and enjoy watching him/her getting bogged down with it, Etc.

I will read lot of books, will write even more craps, just to satisfy my love for writing, whether anybody loves it or not. I will not harm anybody or think bad about anybody. It leaves a permanent restlessness on your mind, if you try to harm anybody. It makes more bad to you than to your victim. Universal love is my motto now.

As ancillary, I have also decided not to care or fear anybody. A free mind…is what the need of the hour is. There should not be any black spot on my mind. Neither it should be introduced by me, nor should others get a chance to leave any stain. My mind should be a fresh lotus leaf. It should not hold anything for long.

To commit myself to this resolution, I have started with a modest investment of Rs. 14k. I bought an ipod last week. Not that I needed it, gadgets and me go the opposite direction. But it was necessary to catch up with today’s technology and make myself ‘cool’.

The next step is to find a girlfriend who loves me more than I love her. Even if she is the ugliest in the world. Just like me.

The search is on. I think I zeroed in on one. Fingers crossed.

17 comments:

Yves said...

Bears comparison with Bridget Jones' Diary and The Diary of Adrian Mole but your satire is spiritually profound whereas the others are about superficial things like politics and social fads.

In other words, high quality writing, gf!

feroze said...

How long will you go on being a 26-year-old?

preeti said...

ghetu bacha..your blogs are getting more profound and introspective. is that because of the grey hair??
yeah, the treat at amoeba is on me, but don't you think Koshy's might be better?

Anando Rocks said...

Those who don't love themselves, can't love others.

Shuv said...

hey man!! wake up! get drunk, watch a malika sherawat movie, go to a pick up joint..do something to clear your mind of these dangerous ideas man! otherwise soon there will be wedding invitation post on this blog..

Scout said...

i agree. letting go, when it happens, is the best.

Shuv said...

lol @ feroze's comment...

Ghetufool said...

yves,
thanks again for your generosity. what else i should say. you compared it with bridgit jones...

Ghetufool said...

feroze,
that 26 is my mental age. and your age is what you feel to be. so i think that's not going to change for a long long time.

preeti,
i have become instrospective because i have lost all my creativity. a funy story doesn't come in mind now. yes, may be grey hair.

Ghetufool said...

anando,
stop churning out osho. spell something original.

shuv,
indeed your cynical ideas are welcomed. i will definitely think about it. actually, after a good sleep, i found out that idea is not good at all. and i am not going to post wedding invitation anytime in near future. don't worry. and son't laugh at feroze's comment, he is as pesky as you are.

scout,
yes, i am letting it go. but don't you think i have let it go too far?

gypsy said...

uhm...an ipod for the bengali babu?? TOOO MUCCCHHH! hope ur listening to some good music at work! B-) heheheeeee

kaushik said...

Ghetu I dont think Feroz is right.. You are growing up.. And you seem to be in love.. Forget what Shuv says.. He was just like you 10 years back... He has had his cake and doesnt want anybody to have it after that...

Do I know the girl in your life..

Ghetufool said...

gypsy,
yes i am listening to some chin-music here. i must say it's not very good.

kaushik,
first of all, i am not in love. secondly, if i was, it's highly improbable that you would know the girl.
and i pardon shuv. gandhi has said to pardon everybody.

Ghetufool said...

gypsy,
yes i am listening to some chin-music here. i must say it's not very good.

kaushik,
first of all, i am not in love. secondly, if i was, it's highly improbable that you would know the girl.
and i pardon shuv. gandhi has said to pardon everybody.

20 box said...

welcome home!!
you are arrived now.
narcissism is just the beginning of life.

Anonymous said...

whos the poor girl...

"gwkyh"...i had to enter this to post this comment....crap

Ghetufool said...

20 box,
narcissist? am i?

anon,
first let me know who are you.