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I was once picked up by police. Actually, that was not my fault. Nor was the police’s. we were just doing our duties. I was quenching my everlasting thirst for beauty, and the policeman was just working on an FIR.

Well, let me crack the nut. I know, your dirty mind has started thinking otherwise.

Yes, I was picked up by the police, on charges of eve-teasing. I was picked up by one plain-clothed policeman while I was still on my school-dress. I was escorted (not dragged OK?) to a policevan and was whisked away to the nearest police station.

Let me give you the background.

I was in class twelve then, and my school was, unfortunately, ‘only for boys’. Now, to tell you the truth, I have always, all of my life, hankered for beauty. No, it’s not sex or breast that attracts me. If a girl has beautiful eyes, I would look at it in awe. Similarly if a girl has near-perfect rounded impression of her breast, I would stare at it for eternity, without any ill feelings blotting my mind. Same goes with hair, hips, lips, eyes, curvature…the geometrical play on a woman’s body. I am a great admirer of shapes. Despite that, I am perhaps the safest guy. Trust me, I look at girls with a sculpture’s view point. No ill-feelings. I would rather not like to have sex with an amazingly beautiful girl, lest it destroys the beauty.

Anyway, I am digressing. So I was in class 12. I used to bunk my practical classes only to stand near the see the lgirl’s school gate and asses passing by. With a hungry eye, I used to savour the beauty-parade passing besides me. Dipannita’s hair was the most beautiful I have ever seen. And how reshmi used to throw her eye-lids wide open, when meeting an old friend from another section. Prerna’s morbid looks used to haunt me, my favourite pastime was to think, what was there to make prerna unhappy? Where this girl is heading towards? I used to wonder. Prerna committed suicide three years back. I stopped speculating. Cause I confirmed my answer that I always knew.

Sushmita’s graceful way of carrying herself was a revelation to me. I still give a second and a third look to a girl who has got that majestic aura on her movement. Madhurima, a little fat, but had a baby like face. and she was ever smiling. Actually she was the first woman in my life that I went and talked voluntarily. And how gracefully she accepted my friendship. “you were the guy who was picked up for stalking us right…? She burst out in laughter. And our friendship started. She is now the mother of two. She has a loving husband. And her babies have also that infectious smile of their mother. so cute they are.
Tumpa, had this habit of winking. Tanima is the most beautiful lady I have seen in my life. Romita had a body to die for.

I used to see how ruchika used to walk in a particular fashion, sliding a little whenever passing a boy, hiding her front portion and getting shaky. She was a flat-chested lady.
Keka used to burst into cacophony with her companies whenever they spotted a boy. They tried to impress us with their monkey-like enthusiasm. But, sorry, they were the last on my watch-list. It’s not that she was not good-looking. it was that she was shameless, like me. And I have always hated myself.

So one day the police came and picked me up along with my three accomplices. We were six in total. Two fled. We had a gang of seven. we were known as ‘bidi saptok’ or ‘bidi seven’. The name was given by our teachers. When we were in class ten, we used to smoke bidis seated in the last bench.

I didn’t protest. But the other three were crying as if they are taken away for an encounter. I was worried for them, they would be rusticated from the school, knew for sure. They have proved their might by failing year after year, they were from the commerce department. I was not worried for me, because I knew, I would not be chucked off. I was the first boy of our class. A little apology to the headmaster would do.

We were on our school dresses. White shirt and khaki pant. Students of nabagram vidyapith.

We were taken to the officer-in chief. A kind looking fat phlegmatic man of fifty.

“so you people disturb girls…”
The three started crying loudly, and sweared they would not repeat this again, that this was a mistake that should be forgiven as the first offend.

The OC looked at me. There were no qualms or tension on my face. “interestingly, you don’t look like an eve-teaser.”

--I am not.
--of course you are, we picked you up from the girl’s school gate. It seems, interestingly, You were disturbing girls.
--I was not.
The OC looked at the constable. The constable howled, “he was also with the boys sir, the headmistress had pointed earlier to him saying that he is the gang-leader. He gives the brains, these donkeys execute that.”

The OC looked at me again, “what’s your say on this?”
--if they are donkeys that’s not my fault. And I don’t give brains to them. they ask advice from me. I only guide them.
--interesting, and what kind of guidance you give to them?
--varied, I safeguard them a lot. Otherwise you would have met them beforehand.
--give me an interesting example.
--say, if they want to hit a man with a brick in darkness, I advice them to do it with a stone, that way the man would be safe and they would not be in jail.
--hmmm, interesting, and why don’t you prevent them at all?
--they want advice only on those things that they are hell-bent on executing. I cannot prevent them, nobody can. I try to maintain law and order.
--interesting, you are a clever swine. But I believe if I put you people in jail for seven months, you will never disturb girls.

The three donkeys started braying. Swarup fell into the officer’s feet. The floor wet with his tears. Bishu and banka were acting like mad. I was never so much ashamed in my life.

--so young man, you want to go to jail, these people aren’t ready. I am sure they would be good boy from now.
--I am not a bad boy. And I don’t stalk girls.
--ok, than what do you do.
-- I watch them.
--so that I can portray my characters truly. One day I will portray you also in my writings.
--interestingly, you have loads of attitude my boy.
--I know. I don’t want to show myself down to you.
--oh, really, interesting, you are a criminal, and still you don’t have any guilty feeling. You are showing attitude to me, interesting.
--one day I will be an IAS, that time you would be under me, I want to maintain my superiority.

--interesting, I am impressed. You know if I put you in jail and if you have a police record, you would never get the chance to appear for the exams. Your chance to boss me will be nill.
--I know you would not do it.
--interesting, why?
--because you are a good man, looks so.
--you also look nice, but you are a criminal.
--I am not. Watching somebody is not a crime, show me the law under which you would book me.
--interesting, ram singh, put this boy behind the bar. And release the others.

My friends were of course surprised by my attitude, I knew they would worship me for that.

After half-an-hour the OC ordered the constable to release me from the bars.
I sat in front of him.
--shall I call your father?
--your wish.

He called.

--do you know what your father said?
--I guess…well, no.

He looked at me for a while, “he said, I should take you to a jungle and shoot you dead.”

I loughed sadly. “I knew, he would say something like this.”

--interesting, how did you know.
--he made a driving license for me when I was only sixteen, he said if I do an accident with his scooter, police should not harass him, they should pick me up as I have the license.
--interesting, you got your license at sixteen, did you go for the test?
--no, I got it when I was learning driving. (why should I leave my chance of revenge?)

--interesting, like son like father. Both criminals. So what shall I do with you.
--you have two options, either you release me or shoot me. if you shoot me, you would lose your nephew. And if you put me on jail, there’s high probability that my mother won’t tie rakhi to you ever. You decide.

--interesting, the points are pretty interesting. Ok, I am releasing you. But, don’t disturb girls anymore. You know, I am in charge of this place, you should think of my prestige also.
--I don’t disturb. I only see them. anyway, mama, will see you later.

Balls, I didn’t heed to his warnings, I started eve-teasing with a vengeance.

I quit stalking after a separate incidence, that’s another story. But that incident changed my life forever.


Anonymous said…
It was an interesting piece but the tempo died at the end. It was dramatic but the drama fell flat at the end. I wonder if you have got those guts you talked about. No! U cannot be that bold to tell the cops to call your father!! That cannot be true! Anyways it was a good attempt although teh description of the girls could have been avoided to make it more tight and interesting. And then at abruptly ended. If you had gone on to say that the number you gave to teh cops was one of your friends and it was your friend and not your dad on the other end and admitted that you made fools of the police, it would have been more interesting.
Tridib said…
Michaelangelo-da if the girls you have scuplted out of words are so life-like, wonder what they would have been like if you had created them out of stone. Looking ahead to more such masterpieces.
had a good laugh reading this. lover of shapes indeed! what i failed to understand was how you managed to find out the names of all those girls. Were you friends with all of them? I mean we had guys hanging around our school gates all the time but i'd be surprised if any of them knew my name!
Ghetufool said…
dear anon,
i agree with you that the end was abrupt. actually i finished it in a giffy as i was going to miss the transport to my home.
i didn't read it also. so you can find lots of grammatical errors (anyway, some remains always, if not lots) and some missed out words.

regarding the end, actually i wanted it to be what it was originally. the OC was my maternal uncle, got it why i was so fearless why talking to the OC, otherwise i don't have the balls to do it. i would have brayed harder if somebody else had picked me up.
thanks for that constructive criticism.
take care.
Ghetufool said…
i had tried tridib-da, but disposed off my my idea of becoming a painter. so words are the only means for a good-for-nothing guy.

and thanks for commenting. you know how much i treasure your comments. you are one of my favourite bloggers. getting you here is a prize.
Anonymous said…
so many girls.....what r u trying to justify my dear? do you like eating mix-veg curies? any way, haven't ever heard of an officer-in-chief. generally they are officer(s)-in-charge..i think
Ghetufool said…
hi m,
when you read a book or a story, you should know the name of the writer.
i believe in completeness. names are but an essential part to appreciate shapes properly.
and girls are a cacophonous race. did you ever notice how they shout the names of each other while after the school is over?
hey priyaaaaaaannnkaaaaa...
hi sudeshnaaaa...
dekh dekh arpita ke dekh...
ei sudeshnaaaaa, eka eka phuchkha khacchis, amake aar dipannitake dibi naa?
isn't that wonderful?
trust me, i used to cherish this everyday, not that i had any ulterior motives. girls are always an enigma to me. and i sincerely think no girl in this worls is evil, that's how you want them to be.
Ghetufool said…
please forgive me for my ignorance.
officer in charge it should be. doesnt matter isn't it? as long as you get the message.
Patient Portnoy said…
Dipannita, Prerna, Reshmi, Sushmita, Madhurima, Tanima... this sounds like Mambo No. 5

hee hee hee. Such a candid confession too :-)
kaushik said…
I can fully empathise with your early inclinations to womankind. A sculptor's view you said. I myself could not explain the affinity the had for the kind. But I have noticed one thing.

Being married and with a daughter, as I grow up I have lost the taste for the early kind of appreciation. It has been replaced by a very different kind of appreciating. A more carnal kind.

Does this happen with age? When the body starts producing the wrong kinds of hormones.
bir2005 said…
Sir! It was a nice piece. Guts. What u call this. But, I liked the whole of it. The end also. Will definately visit this place for more.
Ghetufool said…
i am a flamboyant character with lots of girls in my life.
i can write mambo no 10, if i wish.
Ghetufool said…
welcome. maybe because i am not married, i still find girls amazing. and i have this gut feelings (confirmed by you) that once i get married, i would lose the fantasy. so no marriage in the cards (for now).
thanks for coming. do come again.
Ghetufool said…
bir sir,
i am honoured by your comments.
please come again. will be waiting for your esteemed visit. glad that you liked it.
TheLadyLazarus said…
Ki aar bolaar acchey? Shob to shokoley boleycchey.
Rebel said…
hmmmm, very interesting, but you know somehow ur previous blogs dont give a feeling that it is not about sex...
Ghetufool said…
tobu kichu bolte parten...
Ghetufool said…
hmmmm very interesting observation. trust me at your own peril.
but, tell me, how long a man can enjoy sex. its too monotonous isn't it?

and welcome to my blog.
TheLadyLazarus said…
well, you seem quite a horny fellow!!!!


Just kidding. : )
Godknows said…
enjoyed this post :)
Ghetufool said…
are you seriously kidding?
how disappointed i am. i was proud to be horny.
Ghetufool said…
hi godknows,
loved to know you liked it. thanks.
TheLadyLazarus said…
I have nothing to say.
Yves said…
Wow. Witty and original. More!

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