“No Sushama, don’t switch on the light. Darkness is perfectly fine. This darkness is nothing compared to the black hole that is sucking on my whole existence to oblivion.
I am tired of this tussle. I want to resign to my fate, I want to resign to you.”
I stood up and reached for Sushama who was seating in the sofa. Sushama sprang up and attempted to run. I again leaned myself to the wall.
“oh Sushama, you thought I was going to touch you, did I ever touched you all these years? Even when we were really closed and I had every chance to defile you, Did I, ever touched you my friend? Than how did you imagine that I am going to take advantage of this darkness? Friend…answer me.
Yes, you are my dearest friend. I have known nobody in this world except you. (Than I quickly corrected)…by nobody I meant girl. But does that mean I have unnatural tendencies? No, no darling, I just wanted to ensure that my love is platonic. Oh, it was a great fight. How many times I wanted to kiss you. See, try to understand, if you see a lovely baby, would you not try to take him or her in your arms, would you not like to kiss her? So is that wrong, to kiss or touch somebody whom you love? No, nope, not at all. But still I didn’t touch you, I didn’t try to kiss you. Just to ensure you remain as sacred as you were when I first met you. I am not a fly-by-night lover Sushi, I know you know that.”
Sushama was silent in that darkness. From the pitch darkness I could sense she is trying to weigh my words. Next to don-juan if there is any in history, probably that’s me. I didn’t heed to it. I was emotional. Sushama’s mother is continuously raising hell. She wont let me meet her…in her house. She suspects we have ulterior motives. Of late, sushi is also suspecting me. I am fed up of all these. I have come here to part with her. Before parting I wanted to tell my pain to her. I didn’t let her light on the switch. She would see my face, I would see her.
I carried on, “you know why I didn’t touch you ever…because, I am not that swine. I am not a bad man. And I know you are from a very respectful family. Your mother is a devi. She is the most pious lady in out locality. From childhood, whenever I used to see your mother, I used to think, why she is not my mother? I planned to pursue my father to marry her. I must confess, I used to pray to the god, to kill your father, so that my father may marry your mother and your mother become my mother which in case turn my father into your father…oh, how nice it would have been, there would have no bars to separate us. We would have lived with each other forever. But the wonderful part would have been that I would get your mother as mine. Oh, what a wonderful lady she is.”
I could sense sushi’s heavy breath.
I continued the momentum. “infact I loved you looking your mother…she is so gorgeous a lady. She is so charming. She looks as if she is only 30 now, I wonder how she used to look when she was eighteen. She almost resembles your elder sister. Is she is your real mother or step one? Sushi…sushi…is she your step mother?”
She didn’t reply…I didn’t pester, I continued. Sushi I am going. I know your mother don’t tolerate me. She is overtaken by the rumors that my detesters spread. I am not a flirt sushi, I never flirt with anybody, let aside touch one. But your mother will not understand. She does not know how much I respect her. You have got a lovely mother. Convey her my pranam, but not before I leave this city. I know, she wont believe me. But still, tell her, I respect her as goddess kali…ok, it may not sound good, tell her, I respect her as goddess durga.”
I could hear her deep breath. But she didn’t talk to me.
“sushi, I am going. I love you, as I loved your mother…bye…bye bye…”
I ran out from the room crying.
The next morning, my sister called me up. Saying sushi’s mother has come to meet me. I rubbed my eyes and met her in the drawing room. She blessed me, invited me for a dinner and complained why don’t I come to their house?
Needless to say, I go now regularly.
Sushi wonders, how come the tide changed. I didn’t disclose to her, will never disclose that, that day when I saw her mother entering sushi’s room, I took the opportunity and flaunted my theater days experience.
What dialogues I gave that day, pretending I didn’t understood it was sushi’s mother and not sushi.
And for my personal opinion, I give a fuck to that daughter of a bitch, and also to the granddaughter of the bitch. People are still in doubt whether Sushi is her father's daughter!
That day when sushi was wondering, what had happened to her mother, I stopped her. took her into my arms and rolled into the bed. Sushi’s mother had gone to the harishava for Krishna-naam. This she everyday does, after I enter the house.
And soon we both were in our birthday dress.