(audiences in dark start clapping along with a music as if crusader king Richard of England just captured the castle of a jehadi king)
Aaj, mere samne beithe hai Jarshad kakiara…kakku…cuckoo…
(a club-shaped man intervenes, with a child-like smile, “Kakkrakandy”)
Ji haa, kakkara (“kandy”, the man again intervenes with a shy smile)
-Yes, Jarshad kakk…, whatever, aiye aap aur hum khele yeh adbhut game, jiska naam hei …(looks at the club-shaped man)
Jarshad Kakkrakandy, answers “kauun banayega karrorrpatti”
Amitabh shows Jarshad the seat, adjusts the seat for him. Jarshad sits, the chair shrieks.
--aur abhi mere samne baithe hain Jarshad n. k., from Chennai, who is a journalist with reuters, loves reading dilbert, unka favourite movie hai “chandramukhi”. And he is the self-proclaimed ‘king of PJ’.
--Haan to Jarshad saab, aapne likhe hein ke apke naam hei Jarshad n.k. now what does this n.k. stands for?
--(Jarshad takes out a paper from his wallet) actually I have also to see it, I forgot. Jarshad starts reading “n stands for nu…”
--are choriye saab, naam me kya rakha hai., aap to tamil songs ka fan hei, kuch humko bhi gake sunaiye.
--no no I am a very bad singer
--please, please kakku.
--ok (Jarshad, clears his throat) randaka randaka randaka randaka…
--wah wah wah, kya baat hai…
--but I didn’t finish
--you don’t need to, we understood what would be the end of it.
--you watch movies?
--I do (Jarshad smiles)
--who is your favourite actor (amitabh adjusts his coat, eyes down, smiling mildly)
--who else, one and only rajnikath.
--what? (Big B springs up from his seat) that bus conductor?
--(Jarshad stands up from his seat), bastard…
--haai? Aamma aap to gussa ho gaye miyan. (big b looks startled)
--what’s your rate you clown?
--my rate Jarshad saab? you must have been a fan of george Michael isn’t it?
--yes I am, careless whisper…(attempts to sing)
Suddenly Jarshad remembers the old argument, he fights back , “you know, rajni is the highest paid artist in asia, people from japan comes to see his movies?
--I know Japanese can die for cartoons.
--didn’t get you
--don’t need to, aiye saab, mithe takrar to hote hi rahegi, chaliye game start karte hai.
--yaa, please do, please do, do it now
(Big B looks at the player in hot seat for amazement, search for the invisible security cordon and secret gateways, tightens his belt).
Ok, to pehla sawal jo dega aapko ek hazaar rupey…aap game ka rule to jantehi honge…phir bhi aapko
--I know I know, do it fast
--ok, to pehla sawal yeh raha aapke computer screen pe (tha-ra-ra-re)
--tote ka rang kya hota hai? A, laal, b hara, c pila or d gulabi? A, red, b green, c yellow or is it d pink?
--lock kar diya jaye?
--computerji, b green pe…soch lijiye Jarshad saab, aapke teeno life line abhibhi bacha hei.
--what man I am telling you I am sure, lock it
--lekin aap acche khel raha hai saab, are you sure tota khali hara hi hote hai? Didn’t you see a Macau?
Jarshad’s smile vapours. He frowns. “yaa, I have but…”
--to kya kiya jaye Jarshad saab? Aapke ke paas abhibhi teeno lifeline bache hai, you go for audience poll, phone a friend…
--phone a friend
--ok, whom do you want to call?
(hello feroze saab, mein amitabh bacchan bol raha hu kaun banega krorepati se, aapke dost Jarshad kakk….i mean j.n.k is seating in the hot seat., Jarshad saab, aapka samay suru hota hai aab)
--hello feroze, my ass is on fire…(then they start talking in some unintelligible language. !@#@@@@%%% A, red, b green, c yellow , %&&amp;amp;&)((_) d pink)
(the voice of the friend comes faintly, but confident) I think its b green.
--did rajni start shooting, the heroine is a bit old isn’t it, she’s 24, doesn’t match with the ever-green rajni.
-*-yaa this is the talk of the town
--jarshad saab aapka samay khatam hua, to aap kaun sa option lena chate hai?
--I told you no, bugger you wasted my time. It’s the consensus.
--kaise gande gande bate karte hei aap Jarshad shab, jab mera pet kharab huya tha aur me leelabati mein bharti tha, tab mera pet ka bayu bhi itna ganda nahi tha…jara shadgi saab.
--bugger, talk less and work more, I know what was the eps and net income distributed to stockholders was of abcl.
--ok, Jarshad saab to lock kar diya jaye, computer ji, b green pet ala laga diya jaye.
For a moment, 80 million audiences glued to the tv screen thought amitabh has again started developing stomach ailment. Audiences put their hands on their nose as precaution.
--ugh…uhhh…uhhhhhh…Jarshad kakkurruu…afsosh ye galad jawab.
--what are you saying bastard, I will chop your balls off, don’t try to outking the king of pj.
(big b recovers from the shock)
--Jarshad kukkunur, woh tota laal tha!
[darkness, thararararara (sound effect, looking down from the castle, king Richard saw, jehadi arab king is screwing richard’s queen in the stable)